In loving memory

Eileen Doecke (1928-2004)

At around 11:30 this morning, after a long battle with cancer, my grandmother passed away. She'd been sick for quite a while so it certainly did not come as a shock, but there's an emptiness inside me all the same.

I made a quick trip back to Brisbane this week to visit her as I knew her time was rapidly approaching. Unfortunately I was not able to spend very much time with her at all as she wasn't up to receiving visitors in hospital. I think that both physically and mentally she had had enough, and it seemed to me that all she wanted was some peace.

Nan has always played an important part in my life as she and my grandfather lived in the same house. She was always around when I was growing up. I wish that I had been able to spend more time with her in the those last few months. There were so many things that I wanted to say. I wanted to thank her for teaching me how to read when I was three, bribing me with butter scotch lollies. I wanted to thank her for helping me learn my 12x table, bribing me with chocolates (there's a bit of a theme there, I will admit). Most importantly, I wanted to say that I loved her and appreciated every little thing that she had done to encourage and support me over the years.

I kept putting off flying back to Brisbane to visit her. Work was busy. I didn't want to miss playing soccer on the weekends. It just seemed like there was never a convenient time. Unfortunately, when I made the time, I had left my run too late. I guess the price I will pay is that I will always wish I had gone back home sooner, while there was still pleny of time.

I know that my Nana was not perfect (her two daughters would attest to that). Like all people, she had her faults. However, I will choose to remember her as a kind woman who helped instill in me a love of learning and knowledge, who was interested in the lives of her grandchildren, a woman who loved her garden and her pet dogs(spoiling them rotten in the process, but always out of love). She will always be my Nan. She will always live on, and I will cherish the memories that I have.

Saying goodbye is often the hardest thing to do.

Goodbye Nan. You're in a better place now (wherever that may be).